My experience of ten days vipassana meditation. My vipassana experience

Vipassana has become extremely popular in Bali. At some point, it even seemed to me that absolutely everyone knew about her, and every third person had already attended Vipassana. Some even come to Bali especially for her sake. But thank the Balinese gods, there are still people outside the island who have not heard anything about Vipassana, which means it is worth talking about.

What is Vipassana?

So vipassana. The name is mysterious, the essence is even more mysterious until you go through it yourself. Vipassana is such a special form of 10-day meditation, which takes place according to certain rules, the main of which is refusal to communicate during Vipassana. That is, during all 10 days of Vipassana, you will have to not only meditate, but also be silent.

I did vipassana on Goenka and went to Dhamma meditation centers on the island of Java, near the city of Bogor. Goenka, by the way, is such a wise Burmese grandfather who founded Vipassana meditation centers all over the world. By the way, he has an interesting story, he is essentially a “downshifter” who was a wealthy person and a businessman who at some point discovered vipassana and decided that he wanted to devote his whole life and all his fortune to this business.

With all this, Vipassana is not a religion, not a belief, not a teaching, not psychological training, and certainly not a sect. Anyone can try, no special preparation is required, and if you don't like it, you can get up and leave.

I had a curious skepticism about Vipassana. On the one hand, it is interesting, and the reviews were varied, and many very positive and inspired. And I love all sorts of interesting and useful experiments on myself. On the other hand, I am suspicious of all these obsessions with spiritual practices, meditation, veganism and so on - in Bali, these times are too much.

Therefore, I decided on Vipassana for a long time. Almost from my very first year in Bali, I returned to this issue, and did not dare. And if several of my friends had not passed vipassana, whose adequate opinion I trust, I would not have dared.

So vipassana. For 10 days you find yourself in a special meditation center, where from dawn to dusk you live according to a certain routine, most of which is associated with meditation. Only about 11.5 hours of meditation a day! Not bad, huh? And that's not all. Wake up at 4 am, hang up at 10 pm. The first meditation starts at 5 am, the last one ends at 9 pm. There is breakfast, lunch and afternoon tea. No dinner. Yes, and afternoon tea is tea and fruit. Everything about the schedule, everything on the signal of the gong.

In addition, you live by strict rules, which cannot be broken, otherwise you will have to leave the course of vipassana. One of the rules is that for all ten days you cannot speak and in any way enter into communication with the outside world - be it other participants in vipassana or other people in general. Still you can't smoke or drink, and you can't eat meat. For those who smoke, this is an additional test. I don't smoke, so it was easier for me.

During Vipassana, you completely drop out of the life of the outside world. You rent phones, laptops, books, notebooks and everything else that can distract you from meditation for the entire ten days. You cannot speak, read, or write. You cannot communicate with signs, notes, winks, and even less words. In general, nothing to do except sleep, eat and meditate is not necessary. Yes and no. You can't do yoga, you can't go in for sports, you can't be distracted by any other business.

The purpose of these harsh rules is for you to stop being distracted by all sorts of nonsense and focus on meditation, because you will have nothing else to do.

Most of all I was afraid of getting up early; what I have to eat on schedule (in addition to not what I want at all) and, of course, endless meditations. I have never meditated in my life and had little idea HOW I would do it for so many hours a day. But according to the assurance of those who took Vipassana, you don't need to be able to do anything, they will tell everything on the Vipassana course. And I was also afraid that I would go crazy from idleness or boredom, for me it is a real punishment to imagine that I will not be able to read or write for days.

How is Vipassana

Every day we woke up and went to meditate. At first, we were given a very simple meditation where we just had to sit and watch our breath. Then the task was a little more complicated every day. I will not tell you the details, this is an experience that is worth going through there, and not reading about it on paper. No, nothing supernatural is happening there, but you can't explain it so simply in words.

By the way, due to the fact that the task was slightly complicated every day, adding something new, in the end it was not so boring and difficult to meditate, and I was looking forward to a new day with interest. In the evenings there was an hour-long lecture, where they explained what Vipassana is, where it came from and what is the essence of what we do. Each lecture answered all the questions that had accumulated to that day. In addition, some of the meditations were accompanied by the teacher's explanations.

Some of the meditations take place in the common meditation hall, during which one must be present, sit in a meditation position and do everything as it should be. Some of these meditations assume that you will not move for the entire hour, or at least reduce the number of body movements to two or three per hour. These meditations have proven to be the most difficult, but when done properly, they have the greatest effect. I managed to sit all (except for two or three) such meditations without moving and without opening my eyes for the whole hour. I still cannot believe that I was able to do it. Willpower and willpower are great things that have proven to help you do something that is definitely beyond what you see as possible.

Of the 11 hours of meditation a day, only a third are general, which means they are mandatory, the rest are considered individual, so those who got on vipassana for the first time can choose how to meditate for this hour - for example, I often meditated lying in my room, since I could not sit for so many hours.

Is everyone able to undergo vipassana

Many people do not endure all ten days of Vipassana and leave. A lot of people leave in the first days, everyone, apparently, is expecting that blissful enlightenment will immediately descend on them, but it turns out that it is far from enlightenment, even further to bliss, and in order to achieve at least some effect, one must work on oneself. Few people like to work on themselves, so many dump.

On our course, 7 out of 28 girls left 7. Moreover, surprisingly, one girl left on the 7th day. It was the strangest thing of all, if you have already spent so many days, can not you endure a couple more to go to the end and find out what is at the end?

From the very beginning, I set the task of going through this experiment to the end, in order to find out what it is and for what it is, so the thought of leaving did not particularly torment me. No matter how difficult or boring it was for me. I understood that I had to take and try to do everything as they told you, completely surrendering myself to an unusual experiment. And then, after Vipassana, I decide what it was and whether I need it in my life. And by the way, to everyone who is thinking of going to Vipassana, I advise you to go only in one case, if you promised yourself not to freebie and go through everything to the end; otherwise, do not even waste your time, you can understand what kind of thing this is only by going through and comprehending the whole experiment.

By the way, as it turned out, it turned out to be not so difficult to meditate all day long, to be silent, not to use books-laptop-Internet, to get up early and live without dinner. There is a certain rhythm on Vipassana and you are drawn into it. At the same time, you understand how little you really need and how much we are spoiled by modern civilization when you think that you could not have done without it or without it.

Vipassana is never an easy thing, and even on the ninth day I sometimes thought “why did I get involved in all this at all,” but it's worth it.
In itself, the fact that you were ten days out of touch with your reality is an unusual life experience! For ten whole days, stop sticking to the Internet or bogged down in various household and work affairs, and instead be alone with yourself and your thoughts all day long.

Many are afraid that they will have to be silent during Vipassana. In fact, many are scared by the fact that they have to be alone with themselves. We are so accustomed to being among people, among the news, among the Internet and all possible means of communication that we cannot do nothing and remain alone with our thoughts. It may seem to you as much as you like that so much is happening in your life, but once you find yourself on Vipassana, you understand whether there is really something inside you, or it is a bottomless ringing empty void.

I ended up enjoying being alone with myself. For this alone, I would go to Vipassana again. I did not find a ringing emptiness in myself, but instead my head, usually busy with everything in a row, was simply torn from a million ideas and pans, for which in ordinary life there was simply not enough time, or rather priority. During vipassana, I came up with so many interesting things in all my projects that for me vipassana was most remembered by the fact that my life was decomposed into shelves and I felt calm and well.

However, it was difficult to concentrate on meditation because of this. I don’t know how not to think, and it was extremely difficult to drive thoughts out of my head. But it was also an interesting and extremely useful experience, learning to filter the thought processes in the head, order them and somehow stop the endless stream of thoughts. When you manage to do this even for an hour or half an hour, you feel much more calmness and harmony in life.

Should you go through Vipassana?

The most important question I was asked about Vipassana was whether I liked Vipassana and whether I would recommend it to someone else.

And although my opinion about Vipassana changed from day to day, both during Vipassana itself and after it, now, over time (I went through Vipassana a couple of months ago) I can say that this is an extremely useful thing, if you are aware of what it is and why do you need it.

I've heard from a couple of people about the mind-blowing, life-changing experience after Vipassana. And I expected that I would really go out on the tenth day enlightened, and my world would change. Moreover, I seemed to want this (well, it's interesting to look at the new world!), But on the other hand I was a little afraid (suddenly my third eye will grow and I won't know what to do with it). None of this happened. I did not want to drastically change my life radically, although this is exactly the response I heard from some who have gone through vipassana.

On the other hand, we are all at different stages of the path along the road, which is called "self-knowledge and self-development." For some, Vipassana will be the first experience on this path, and then it can more noticeably stir up the consciousness. I have already heard, read, studied, passed so much that Vipassana did not reveal anything new to me. On the other hand, she seemed to have reported some new bricks in the construction of the very foundation of life, which has been built for several years.

What is Vipassana all about? It is about the fact that our whole life and how happy or unhappy we are in it has nothing to do with external circumstances, no matter how much we want to think so. In reality, however, we can do so (not something that would be easy, but quite achievable for ourselves) so that in the same external conditions we feel much happier and more harmonious. Our unhelpful attachments-hobbies-dependencies and the inability not to react to external circumstances prevent us from doing this. Vipassana just teaches what and how to do with all this, and the method is meditation and a number of certain rules that you follow.

And the vipassana method really works. It has been a long time since I felt so harmonious, strong and confident in myself, and most importantly, able to cope with any troubles. Over time, the effect fades out a little, but even that experience was enough to understand how it happens differently :)

In order for the effect not to fade, and in order to stay in this harmonious state longer, it is necessary to practice Vipassana further. For the rest of my life, essentially. Which boils down to two hours of meditation a day (once in the morning, once in the evening) and following the rules of vipassana, which include different things like not drinking, not smoking, not eating meat and animal waste products (milk, eggs, etc.), and do not kill any living creatures including mosquitoes and cockroaches :)

Coming out of Vipassana, you make a choice for yourself whether you are ready to take all these measures, for the sake of the harmony that you can eventually get. You can choose life in the format of vipassana, or you can just leave it for yourself as an interesting experience and one of the building blocks in building your path of self-development and self-knowledge.

Logistic questions about vipassana

It is best to take vipassana in the Dhamma centers, which Goenka himself founded. Since now there are many other interpretations of vipassana, which change the essence of vipassana itself.

Information on Dhamma centers in Indonesia and course schedules can be viewed on their website dhamma.org

There are Dhamma centers almost all over the world, they are also in Russia and in several centers in Indonesia. You can go to Vipassana in Bali (2-3 courses take place a year) or go to Java, where they take place more often. In Moscow and Bali, there is darkness for those wishing to vipassana, so the recording closes almost on the first day in Moscow, and literally in the very first days in Bali. There are no such problems with Java.

Registration. Sign up for participation in Indonesia through the dhamma website, I gave the link above. Moreover, in the case of Bali, you must not miss the opening day of the recording, otherwise all vacant seats will be taken apart.

For those who do not speak English well in Bali and Java, they are allowed to listen to the translation in Russian (during lectures and teacher's instructions). But without English at all, I would not recommend going to Java, there are no Russian-burning employees.

What to take with you. In Bali and Java, the centers are located in mountainous areas, so be sure to bring warm clothes. It is very cold especially at night! I slept in a sweatshirt and sweatpants :) The site has requirements for clothing (long clothing) and the instructions to the participants say what to take, read carefully.

Meditation. During meditations, you can use special pillows, bolsters, and some are even allowed to sit on special chairs if they can't sit with a straight back. I really think that if you are not able to sit, why go to Vipassana at all. I (for all my unpreparedness) on the sixth day gave up all pillows and bedding and sat on only one meditation mat. Why simplify the task?

Food. They are fed vegan food, the food is quite varied and the amount of food for breakfast and lunch is not limited. I am not a vegan, but there were almost no problems with food. Almost, because those who eat in the "wholesome healthy food" regime will understand me. But nothing terrible can happen in ten days :) In general, the food is generally good and, in principle, for some day everything starts to seem tasty. :)

Participation in the Vipassana course is purely charitable, you decide how much money you want to leave. It doesn't have to be many. Goenka specifically built his centers in such a way that everyone who went through vipassana to the end and made a charitable contribution could thus provide the opportunity for other people to participate, since all contributions go exclusively to maintaining and conducting vipassana courses around the world. You have the right not to leave any donations at all, unless you think that someone else should be doing Vipassana. By the way, those who have not completed the entire course cannot make a contribution.

Vipassana Meditation Center in Java.

I deliberately didn't go to Vipassana in Bali. First, because there will be a lot of people, and of them every third or even second person will be Russian and will be familiar. Many in Bali have become addicted to Vipassana and now attend every course. In addition, I did not want to discuss either before or after vipassana what was there and how it was. I wanted a complete reboot and new faces. And so it happened :)

In addition, I wanted to see a new place and friends who were in Java said that the center there is in a beautiful place in the hills, where the general atmosphere “alone with nature” adds advantages to the very experience of vipassana. We need not so much on Vipassana in Java and we almost all lived in rooms one by one, while in Bali we will have to live with neighbors.

The Dhamma Center in Java is a bit tricky to get to, but not that hard.

You need . There are an infinite number of airlines flying from Bali, Citilink is my favorite. Be careful with Lion Air, they constantly delay and cancel flights, although they have the cheapest tickets. Tickets cost about Rs 800,000 round-trip, unless of course you pick up some promotion.

There is a shuttle bus directly from the airport to the city of Bogor. It does not come from all terminals (it seems from terminals 1 and 2), there is a free shuttle bus between the terminals. Ask the airport workers, they will show you the stop, you can also ask them about the bus. The bus company is called Damri. The bus to Bogor goes straight from the terminal, literally left, crossed the road and he is there. There are regular and VIP, the first one costs about 40,000 rupees, the second 80,000 rupees. Due to traffic jams, the bus can take a long time, 2.5-3 hours.

Further from there you can either take a regular taxi or a motorcycle taxi. I persuaded a regular taxi to take me for 100,000 rupees, although upon arrival, he made a face as usual and asked for more. The main thing here is to show restraint, not to enter into polemics and to remind that a specific amount was agreed.

If you want to boo, you can take a taxi directly from the airport to the center. They go according to the meter, and although the mileage should not exceed 150,000-200,000 rupees, in fact, taking into account standing in traffic jams (they are in Jakarta and Bogor), it comes out 450,000-500,000.

On the way back, the center will organize a transfer for everyone, a car to the airport cost 600,000 rupees (we shared it for four), and a car to Bogor cost 250,000 rupees.

Read more about Vipassana:

• An article about my personal experience and experiences from vipassana - in the blog.stellav.ru blog
• The video that I shot about vipassana later (in 2018) is on the channel yotube.com/stellava

• What are you doing? - I ask my friend.
• I meditate, says a friend. It helps me to organize my thoughts and work better.
• Cool! Where can you learn this?
• Well, there are different techniques, there are, for example, such courses - "Vipassana". The course lasts 10 days, during which you cannot use any electronic devices, read, write or talk with other people. They talk a little more about religion there, but you can skip this whole part.
• Uh ...

10 days not talking - how's that? But then I thought again, and it seemed to me that a worthy adventure could turn out. Before that, I had never encountered meditation. This might be interesting. And it seems safe. So why not? A month later, I signed up for the course. After two I passed it. I returned home yesterday. Then I tell you my impressions.

Day 0

I chose a meditation center in Bali in order not to travel far. I came, registered, met some of the participants. A total of 15 men and 25 women took the course. Half here for the second or third time is a good sign.

I got acquainted with my schedule for the next 10 days:

It turns out 10 hours of meditation a day. If not meditation, then food, rest and sleep. Nicely:-)

I got my bearings on the terrain, made a bed for myself in the common room. I managed to chat a little with other participants and have dinner. Then the ban on any communication and complete separation of the sexes began to operate. First meditation and going to sleep.

Day 1

Today we are learning to observe the breath and not be distracted. Do not breathe in and out on purpose. You cannot count in-breaths. You cannot repeat a word to yourself. You cannot imagine images of people or gods. You can't do anything, just watch your own breathing. Relax your body. Calm your mind. Concentrate on your breathing. Don't be distracted. Do not be distracted!"

It is impossible not to be distracted. The brain always remembers something and scrolls again. Or simulates conversations. Or he makes plans and draws scenarios for the future. Suddenly I remember that I should watch my breathing. I take three breaths and exits - and the mind again runs away somewhere. Heck! You can't swear at yourself either.

In the evening they play audio lectures in recording and translation. At the lecture, we were told that this is constantly happening to the mind. The brain worries about the past or the future all the time, ignoring the present. The past is experienced many times, more and more strong emotions wind up, although the event has already happened and it is, in general, stupid to worry. The future beckons with its prospects, the brain imagines something that is impossible to get now, and from this it is also very worried. The result is continuous tension and frustration. The theory is quite clear, just what to do with it in practice?

Day 2

We continue to observe the breath, and now also the sensations on the skin around the nose.

Sitting in one place for an hour and a half is very hard! Well at least you can sometimes change the pose. But no matter how cool it is, either the back or the legs hurt, or both at the same time.

Day 3

On the third day I learned to calm my mind. I learned not to be distracted for at least a minute and not go into my thoughts for too long. All worries and worries began to be released. I sit, watch the breath, silence in my head ...

Mountain view shortly after dawn.

Fresh brain is so great! With a fresh brain, you think very well. After the meditation sessions, I can not resist - I begin to wind circles around the yard and think what to do with this project, what to do with that question. In theory, it’s impossible to think about such things now, but I can’t stop myself. It's going very well.

I learned to hatch meditation more or less normally. I asked the teacher how to sit properly. He says in any way convenient for you. The main thing is that the back is straight. And smiles. Well, OK. At least now I know to look for a comfortable position with a straight back.

Despite the 100% vegetarian menu, the food is delicious. Vegetable soup, vegetable cutlets, fruits and tea. Attempts to make meat from vegetables are not given to vegetarians, so I am content with soup, fruits and tea.

Shower with hot water from basins. You have to wash your clothes yourself in the same basin. Really pioneer camp :-)

Tomorrow we will move on to the next stage. We will learn to "observe but not react." According to theory, in response to some kind of appearance, the brain develops a feeling of "like" / "dislike" and forms its own reaction: "desire" or "disgust". The fifth iPhone? Like! This reaction is determined at a rather deep level, the rational mind can only somehow explain to itself its own aspirations. All advertisers should be aware of this effect :-) Is Vasya stupid at the project planning meeting? I do not like! I will answer Vasya's questions shortly and dryly, let him figure it out himself. Anyone who has worked in offices should also be aware of this effect. Many are ready to admit to themselves their love for conventional iPhones, to admit their own unconstructive behavior - no longer.

The question is what to do with all this. It is impossible to get rid of sensations - they just arise. But you can not react to them. Create neither desire nor aversion. Just observe these sensations. It can be sensations of all 5 senses and thoughts. Now practice: we will train on the physical sensations of our body.

Day 4

From the fourth day, we do not just follow the breath, but begin to observe sensations on every small area of \u200b\u200bthe skin, on every part of the body, from crown to heels - this process is called "Vipassana". It's not as easy as it sounds. Try to say what a small patch of skin under the right shoulder blade is feeling right now. And he feels. And you also need to maintain concentration for as long as possible, "scanning" your body. The restless mind is running away again.

You can no longer change the pose. You can't open your eyes. You can't move. The maximum is to smoothly straighten the spine. Apparently, not only the back, but also the legs hurt. The first thirty minutes are still fine. The next ten can be tolerated. Ten more are just painful. The last ten are real torture and hell! For some reason, I remembered the Gom Jabbar test from Dune.

In the evening, the audio recording said that sitting for an hour and a half without changing posture was deliberately invented so that the meditator would experience pain. There must be pain. This is part of the technique. Yeah. I was looking for adventure - I found it!

It's cold at night. The center is located in the mountains in Kintamani in the north of the island. The mountains may be in the tropics at least ten times, but they are mountains, and in the mountains it is cold at night. The place is less and less like a sanatorium.

Day 5

I began to understand why pain is needed. Without pain, there would be nothing to "observe but not react." Along with the "scanning" of painful areas, some emotional episodes from life are recalled. The more the episode causes the experience, the more painful (or vice versa). If you learn to observe, but not react to pain, it gradually passes, and at the same time the painful memories of the corresponding episode pass away. During these days I managed to go through many such episodes. Some many times over. Such a "psychiatrist herself", and very tough.

Day 6 and 7

After another meditation I go out into the yard and understand that the world around me has radically changed! Everything is full of life, all the colors are so bright, the clouds are fluffy, the sounds are different from everywhere. What torment? What is the past? What is the future? I'm so real! He began to walk around the garden and freak out from this world. Feelings just like in childhood, at the age of 5-7, when everything is interesting, everything must be tried, everything must be investigated. Kaif :-)

Pineapple for lunch. God, what their taste! Explosion of taste!

The evening voice from the laptop told new instructive stories about the impermanence of everything. "Everything passes and this will pass". The pain will pass, you shouldn't be afraid of it. The pleasant sensations will pass, you do not need to cling to them. Watch, but don't react.

The only problem is that I began to feel very strongly the dust in the air. This knocked out the ability to practice normally for two days, until the level of sensations returned to relative normal. Well, the common room was also vacuumed.

Day 8

It seems to have let go, we continue training.

Boiled cucumber soup for lunch :-) Vegetarians have to be very creative!

Day 9

Judging by the evening lectures, some of the students of the course have already premeditated to the point that they feel their body as a stream of vibrations dissolving into the universe. So far, only my arms and legs dissolve if I sit them well. But I have already learned to observe sensations, then you just need to train.

Day 10

Allowed to communicate with each other. Everyone around is really joyful and positive. And very different. Age from 27 to 58 years old, from different countries: America, Mexico, Australia, Hong Kong, Russia, Indonesia. All with very different stories. Finally, I began to communicate with foreigners with pleasure. Someone lives here, someone is on a trip around the world. One guy shortly before Vipassana traveled around Taiwan on a bicycle, and tomorrow he has a plane to China and a 10-day solo trip through the Himalayas. Someone talked about other meditation techniques, how their energy flowed down the inner walls of the body into the battery in the stomach. Must have been an interesting experience too ...

In parallel with us, about 25 women took the course, but we practically did not intersect with them. Surprisingly, more than half are from Russia, some from America, Spain, Estonia and only a few from Indonesia. Everyone is very open and sweet. I just noticed that the majority is doing something incomprehensible and opposing themselves to the "matrix".

During all these conversations, the brain happily turned on to the fullest. The remaining few meditations begin with 30 minutes of trying to calm the mind. It almost works. This skill will still be useful to me in normal life.

Day 11

Everyone exchanged phone numbers, Facebook, promises to write to each other, and went to wherever they were very pleased with the whole event.

Notes

Appreciated the high level of organization of all processes. There are already more than 140 permanent centers around the world. And everywhere is absolutely the same program. Of those who do this more or less professionally - 1 assistant teacher and 1 manager, all the rest are temporary volunteers. And the whole system works like a clock! Online booking system, letter templates and clear instructions, information boards for all situations, pre-worked answers to all questions collected in an audio lecture, translations into all languages.

All this works for charitable contributions from those who took the course. "Other people paid to take this course, so now pay so that prospective students can take the course." Everything is very nice, but at the end of the course some students have a state close to euphria. Knowing in advance the trick of such a system, even before completing the course, I set myself a clear fork, like in a casino.

I was pleased with the minimal connection of the taught meditation technique with religion. Throughout the course, it was clarified many times that this technique is needed only for the development of personal qualities and concentration of the mind, and that this does not contradict any of the religions. Although they managed to tell a lot about Buddhism.

Here is the official site for those interested: http://www.ru.dhamma.org/index.php?L\u003d19 - there are such centers in Russia too, but then proceed at your own peril and risk.

Summary

This time Asia really surprised me! Prior to this, the "spirituality" of the East for me was a non-concrete abstraction. Now I have experienced it on my own skin. There's something about it.

I learned to be in the clouds less. This should increase labor productivity. The feeling of vigor of mind and a sea of \u200b\u200benergy has already appeared. And if it starts sucking in again, you can remind yourself: “Don't think about the past. Don't think about the future. Concentrate on what you feel here and now. "

Disclaimer: debriefing and correcting errors, as well as planning, modeling scenarios, calculating risks - this is important and useful, but all this must be done at the appropriate time and with full force.

I learned to worry less about what I don't need to worry about. “Watch, but don't react. Everything passes. This too shall pass". And it really goes away :-) I feel just fine! In theory, this should make communication with me easier and more pleasant for other people as well.

Disclaimer: Don't react just means don't react emotionally. Throw away emotions, weigh everything and only then act. Or do not act if, throwing away emotions, it turns out that nothing special has happened. It happens often:-)

I'll try to get into the habit of meditating in the morning and evening. I really liked the inner calmness and fresh mind. And I also liked getting enough sleep in 5-6 hours and feeling so vigorous and cheerful.

They say that vacation should be a switch to some other type of activity, environment, emotions. If so, then this was the maximum switch! And now back to your favorite work - a bunch of ideas in my head, 811 letters in the mail :-) Fortunately, most of them are subscriptions to project mailings and notifications from various services and monitoring robots.

Update:
- I meditated irregularly during the year. Regularity. And not just regularity.
- Two years later I went to Vipassana again and wrote a big post about.

Maria Nikolaeva continues to talk about spiritual tourism in Bali. Photos: for now, Lim Choon Huat (provided by Maria), and later I will show you my own photos and videos of the only Buddhist monastery in Bali (near the northern city of Singaraja, in the mountains from the town of Banjar -) specially:

: “After immersing myself in Balinese Hinduism for almost a year, I was glad to return to my native element of pure spiritual practice.

I will talk about two retreats (continuous practice of meditation in complete isolation from the outside world) in the Brahma Arama vihara Buddhist monastery with visiting masters,

Vipassana (the main practice given by the Buddha himself for the purpose of enlightenment) in Bali is always carried out with visiting masters, since there are no more of their own here.

Even the so-called Shiva-Buddha cult (where Buddha is revered as a Mahayana god) began to decay due to the modern demand to accept one religion, which is why the Balinese are also forced to choose between Hinduism and Buddhism. I was complained about this neither more nor less than the Hindu priest who was sitting with us in vipassana (his wife, the temple medium, was my roommate). It is forbidden to speak during the retreat, but we managed to communicate even before it began. The mangku (priest) himself was discouraged by the ritual limitations of Hinduism, and although he could not give up his role as community leader (about 100 people in Singaraj), he began to look for more serious opportunities for development.

In Hinduism itself, meditation is associated with black magic (according to him), moreover, recently Hindus began to remove Buddha statues and stupas from temples - he mentioned a couple of such cases and concluded: “Previously, the energy of Shiva was covered with the wisdom of the Buddha. Now everyone wants only strength and power ... "
Vipassana was given by both masters (one from Singapore, the other from Malaysia) in the style of Mahasi Sayadaw, for both of them trained in Myanmar. This country enjoys a reputation for the highest meditation culture, despite its isolation or because of it.

Theravada Buddhism came to Indochina by sea from Sri Lanka, so modern Indonesia was organically on this path then. Now, it seems, the feedback is working: Myanmar gives real masters of Vipassana, the two of the above conduct retreats in their own countries in Malaysia and Singapore, from where they bring groups to Bali, while the Balinese organizers are looking eagerly towards Sri Lanka (we talked about this with them ). Western "tourists" (only a couple of people) almost did not participate in the retreats, but there were students who came with the master and Indonesians, including Balinese. It was the latter who found themselves in a very strange position for themselves, although they behaved humbly.

Meditation is a purely personal process, therefore, despite the presence of 30-40 people on the territory of the monastery, there is no question of any group practice. Although there is a rather rigid schedule (from 4 am to 10 pm - only 14 hours of meditation), everyone works independently. The time of alternation of techniques for walking and sitting is chosen by everyone, the level of concentration technique itself also depends on the practitioner's progress.

From the outside, it seems - everything is simple: they sit, then they walk, while in reality everyone is busy with completely different internal processes.

That is why no one not only does not talk, but also does not look at anyone, does not tune in with anyone, does not try to compare his practice in time or posture with others. Everyone is immersed in himself, and he sees only the master every two days for a conversation.

A master in Theravada is far from being a guru, he simply explains techniques, can advise, but does not insist on anything - even in practice! In Theravada, enlightenment depends on the person himself, and the master does not care much. That is, he does his job in good faith, but does not demand anything from the practitioner.

Be that as it may, three come to the interview, and I happened to hear a lot of dialogues with Balinese, who at first did not understand much about what they were doing. Firstly, ceremonies (except prostration before the Buddha) and yoga are prohibited in retreat. Secondly, the very concept of energy is completely absent, on which almost any explanation of the ongoing processes is built for the Balinese. And in Buddhism, the mind-body connection is sufficient, and energy as a mediator is not required. It's just that Buddhists do not save anything, but purify themselves to emptiness (for a Hindu it is important to have "enormous energy"), they are not interested in influencing anyone (Hindus are fixated on either healing or black magic), they do not rely on God's mercy (the Hindu is all under god). Thirdly, a Buddhist is indifferent to happiness, and it is important for him only to state that he is happy or unhappy (a Hindu prays to the gods to live happily). All these basic differences led to rather curious dialogues between the Balinese and the Vipassana master.

As far as I know, sometimes retreats in the monastery are conducted not according to Vipassana, but according to other meditation techniques. So, sometimes a professor from Jakarta comes, who was previously a Muslim, but after spending two years in vipassana in Thailand, he even changed his religion. However, he made up his own system, which is still more Islamic than Buddhist (at least simply by the recognition of the soul, which is not in Buddhism). Also, sometimes a Balinese teacher gives retreats, who lived for three years in Dharamsala next to the Dalai Lama, so he also has a rather Vajrayan system of meditation on an image. In general, this monastery cannot be called strictly Theravada either, apparently due to the lack of a community that would support a certain way of life, as is usually the case.

In just two decades of my spiritual practice, I have already spent at least a year in various retreats, going through them in monasteries or meditation centers in India, Nepal, Sri Lanka, Thailand, Vietnam, as well as doing self retreats (practice in full retreat without leaving from the room) in Laos and Indonesia (Sumatra) and simply meditating in the temples of China (including Tibet), Malaysia, Cambodia. Against this background, the Balinese monastery left a very positive impression, especially in contrast to the Hindu practice of ceremonies and ritual purifications that preceded the retreat.

The fact is that Hindu purifications (malukats) are based on the principle of "sin and repent", which is known to all Russian Christians. This is an external ablution, which for a while washes away the energetic dirt from a person, and he feels relief, but returns to his former life, and in the worst case, even the well-known in occultism "effect of a clean room" can occur, when an exiled demon, upon his return, finds his room cleaned and in joy he brings with him the seven worst demons. This is why every Balinese village has a healer who performs malukats (purifications) for those in need almost daily.
In my experience, I tracked a significant imbalance in the energy (and, accordingly, the psyche) after I began to conduct malukats regularly, although initially I did not need them at all (according to the diagnosis of the healers themselves), just for research. Gradually, the buildup between the external influences of purification and pollution makes itself felt, unbalancing and causing a narcotic craving for regular “cleansing”. Vipassana is built on a very painstaking inner work, which is not the place to describe here. However, its result always turns out to be very stable, because the person himself achieved it and knows how to maintain it.

Since retreats at the monastery happen every six months, I teach Vipassana individually in Ubud, and after my last articles in the Ubud Community, interest in it has grown. Vipassana is also included in my programs for Russians in Bali, as well as, according to tradition and technique, skype consultations are possible.

From May 20 to June 3, 2015 I participated in Vipassana intense meditation. For 14 days I was almost always silent, I got up at 4 in the morning, ate only until noon, and meditated daily for 12+ hours. The retreat took place at the Brahmavihara Arama Buddhist temple (Brahmavihara Arama - TripAdvisor, 4sq) in the north of Bali. I want to write down my experience in order to organize my impressions and help those who are thinking about their first Vipassana.

What is Vipassana? Practice.

Vipassana is a mind training that allows you to better focus and better understand the essence of phenomena. Concentration of the mind is achieved through meditation. According to the Vipassana-Bavana technique taught by our Teacher, sitting and walking meditation alternate. Which, according to the participants' reviews, is much easier than the popular Goenka technique, according to which one meditates only while sitting. During meditation, you need to focus on one object at a time. The basic object is movement. In seated meditation, movement of the diaphragm up and down, while walking, movement of the legs. It is necessary to note all the time to yourself with words what kind of object is in the field of attention: I rise, I fall (about the diaphragm); left, right (legs). If pain appears or you want to scratch, then you need to shift attention to the new strongest sensation and note to yourself: it hurts, itches, the desire to move, etc. And at the same time try not to react as much as you have enough strength. If you endure it, the pain in the numb leg goes away, and the ear stops itching by itself. This develops patience and breaks the habit of instantly responding to your desires.

Very quickly, during meditation, thoughts about the past, the future, imaginary situations and dialogues, dreams and dreams appear in the head. As soon as possible you need to notice them and say to yourself: I think. At the same time, do not delve into the content of thoughts, otherwise they will carry away with them and awareness will be lost.

A particularly beautiful view was revealed at sunrise and sunset. But you can't take pictures during Vipassana.

It was a relief for me to learn that I am not the only one subject to the terrible ailment of attention defocus, when thoughts are carried away from the work I am doing. This is the property of the human mind - all the time to think about something, jumping from branch to branch of free associations, like a monkey. It is impossible not to think about anything. Some people turn on TV, music, FB tape, or any broadcast of any kind to give their minds the ground for it to gallop from one object to another. I can sit in nature, probably for hours, indulging in thoughts and dreams, wandering around the inner world. The trick is to direct your mind and keep it on the current moment, specific objects and practical tasks, preventing it from being carried away by grasping at a random thought.

The harsh rules of Vipassana

Nothing should distract from meditation, therefore strict rules apply during Vipassana. Seekers of enlightenment are obliged to follow the first 5 rules at all times, the rest act during the intensive:

1. Don't kill living beings. (This implies a vegetarian diet).
2. Don't take what was not given.
3. Refrain from immoral behavior. (During Vipassana, sexual intercourse is excluded, and the rest of the time is a relationship with a single partner.)
4. Don't say false words.
5. Avoid mind-clouding food or drink.
6. Do not eat in the afternoon.
7. Refrain from any kind of entertainment such as dancing, singing, music, and also do not use cosmetics and jewelry.
8. Do not use the bed.
9. To radiate love and kindness towards all living beings.

And also there is a rule of noble silence - participants can only talk with the Teacher about the practice of meditation and with the organizers, "Dhamma workers", about their everyday needs. Any gestures, looks, notes and other means of communication are prohibited both between the participants and with the outside world. You cannot leave the territory of the complex, etc. Participants voluntarily agree to obey the instructions of the Teacher and the requirements of the organizers.

My favorite place for walking meditation. Only tourists in the daytime were a little distracting.

It was interesting to watch how a group of people obey and break the rules. There was a lot of cheating. Several male colleagues returned to the room after breakfast at 6 a.m. to sleep for another hour, and someone threw away the bones from the dates. Many hid bags of instant coffee drinks in their pockets during lunch to pamper themselves at 5 pm when plain tea with sugar was served in the dining room; this habit spread gradually, like a disease. Towards the end of the retreat, people were whispering more and more. It is strange when the rules are broken by a person who has arrived for the fourth Vipassana - you already know well what to expect. Among the 10 men, only I, a German-speaking Swiss and two Indonesians fully adhered to the rules.

In the beginning, I was annoyed by cheating and thought negatively about violators. But I quickly realized that this was my own fad. I do not allow myself to break the rules, so I notice this in others, mentally I take on the role of an arbiter, monitoring compliance with the rules. After realizing, I could calmly look at the violations without reacting emotionally and without putting labels on people. And I had a choice: follow the rules or break. And I consciously choose to follow the rules because I find them helpful, not out of fear of external authority or out of the habit of obedience.

Schedule

The daily routine in Vipassana is as strict as the rules. Getting up at 3:45 am to the beat of the gong. An hour of walking meditation in the garden and an hour of collective sitting meditation. Breakfast at 6 am, women and men are seated separately. Until 11, everyone alternates between walking and sitting meditation at their own discretion. At 11, lunch is the second and last meal of the day. Vegetarian cuisine, but with fish and eggs. Once every three days, a meat dish was served, which is unconventional for Vipassana. After lunch, a full day of meditation. Every other day, at 16:00, Teacher's lectures were held, which lasted approximately 1:20. You can have tea in the dining room around 17:00. In the evening everyone meditated in the garden and the main stupa. At 21:00 we sang hymns in chorus in the garden and went to bed. The only entertainment for the day is taking a shower or hand washing clothes.

On days when there was no lecture, Master held meetings with students. We came in three. At the meetings, we talked about our progress and asked questions. The teacher gave each one advice on how to practice meditation. Only people who meditate exclusively for several days in a row can reason for 20 minutes that a step consists of three movements: raising, pushing and lowering the leg. And in the future, you can even distinguish five movements, which contributes to concentration: raise, push, lower, touch and press. And before the step, you can still catch the "intention" to move.

The teacher spent the whole day talking to each of the 45 students in turn. As I later learned from other participants, it was cool that Sayadav devoted so much time to meetings and personally lectured. Records of lectures are often shown at retreats, and meetings are not held regularly. It was useful for me to listen not only to what Teacher recommended to me, but also to my colleagues in the top three.

At one of the meetings, the Swiss, whom I called "Grandpa" to myself, told the Master that he was worried about cheating. Master said that there is a choice: either break the noble silence and make a remark, or continue to obey the precepts and, by example, perhaps inspire others. After this conversation, the Swiss took on more responsibility for what was happening around him - he took a brush and washed the sinks, splashed with toothpaste, in the toilet. The inside of the men's apartment was not cleaned and it was like nobody's duty to keep it clean. I was moved by this moment, and I felt more sympathy for my colleague from northern Switzerland.

Harsh rules and daily routines develop patience and willpower. They are polished by two millennia of Vipassana practice and aim to maximize concentration and awareness in a short retreat. Having endured 13.5 days, I felt joy and felt that I had done something and passed the test. Why darken your sense of victory with cheating? If you are not ready to follow the rules of Vipassana 100%, then you should not go to the retreat.

My discoveries

For the first three days, during the sitting meditation, my emotions rose up very quickly: irritation, impatience, and even anger. I wanted to finish as quickly as possible. I talked with my emotions, and situations emerged from deep childhood. I don't know if they were memories or fantasies. But applying my knowledge of process psychology, I tried to agree either with myself when I was little or with my parents about why it was worth continuing. Each time I managed to sit longer and longer. In the future, strong emotions did not arise, I was interrupted either by pain in numb legs, or by impatience and desire to move.

One of the most valuable acquisitions in Vipassana is awareness of your desires. Any desire that arises can be safely left unsatisfied. It will quickly pass if you realize it and do not scroll the thought “want-want-want” in your head - whether it is craving for tasty but unhealthy food, buying a cool thing or gadget, or being attracted to a beautiful woman. Unfulfilled desires no longer burn a hole of disappointment and regret in the soul. On the contrary, I understand that I have strengthened the owl's awareness and willpower.

It's also important not to get attached to your plans. For a long time I went to this and felt, but now I received confirmation from the followers of the ancient practice. If I failed to realize something, then I listen to myself - I have regrets and negative emotions. If so, then I am strongly attached to the expected result. A healthy attitude: "it didn't work out, I'll try now like this." Or it's time to stop trying.

My favorite place for walking melitation. When I went down for the last time, the bottom flimsy step broke. Intuition suggested that most likely it would be so, so I stepped carefully and landed very well.

Despite the expectations, my concentration did not increase much. I still get distracted from my main business in everyday life and can fall into dreams about the future. But now I realize much faster that I am starting to wallow in the stream of thoughts. Developing concentration and awareness is a long journey. After Vipassana, it was recommended to meditate for an hour a day and once a year to go to a retreat for 10 or more days.

I am less worried about what is happening around me and more trust in the world. On the first night, I woke up before the gong, worried about the first day. I lay and thought, but when the gong, did the organizers oversleep? Soon the gong sounded - there was nothing to worry about. On the third day in the evening no one came for a long time to conduct the reading of the evening hymns. The main organizer left on business, and probably the others forgot to come to the garden at 21:00 to start the choir singing and let the exhausted participants go to sleep. I thought that I should take the leadership role, and if no one comes before 9:00 pm, start reading from the first lines without the opening words "Let's sing a hymn", which I had no right to say - the others will pick up the chanting. I went into the stupa next to the garden, where the clock hung, and waited for 21:00. I wondered if my motives were good? And I realized that no: I want to prove myself out of vanity and for the sake of approving glances and praise. I realized that I shouldn't do my plans with such motivation. But I can be a humble leader, a fallback in case none of the organizers comes. And if no one supports me, then I am ready to read the entire hymn alone. At 21:01 I left the stupa and went to the garden, ready to start reading. The group was already in the middle of the anthem. The teacher's assistant came early and started chanting, but I didn't hear, sitting in the temple. Having chosen the path of the fallback option, I was not upset at all, but only smiled at my thoughts. Perhaps not clearly and not strictly on schedule, but everything is thought out and planned. After that, I stopped worrying and thinking that I needed my participation or control somewhere.

The opportunity to show humble leadership in the style of deep democracy presented itself on the 5th day. In the evening everyone sat or walked and meditated in the garden and waited for us to read the hymns. The tension and excitement grew. I went to the stupa and looked at the clock: 21:15. This is my way out. I listened to myself: not for the sake of ego I want to stick out myself, but modestly take on a role that has ended up without a performer, but I have enough awareness to feel it and I understand its importance - we all want to go to bed as soon as possible. Moreover, mentally I rehearsed this episode and experienced emotions two days ago. A little worried, I went out and sat down in the front row of meditators with a brochure in my hands. He cleared his throat and began to read aloud the prayer of forgiveness in English. Not a single voice joined. I paused, but no one took the initiative, and I read the translation in Indonesian, which also uses Latin - you can read it, albeit with a terrible accent. Someone quietly muttered the end of the phrase next to me. The pages of the little books rustled around. I noticed the approving smile of an Indonesian woman. When I began to read the second half of the prayer in English, then from the first words all the foreigners read in chorus, the Indonesians read the next in their own language. And then we sang wonderfully hymns in Pali. I felt satisfied and understood that even if none of my colleagues patted me on the shoulder after Vipassana, then I had done a good job.

A path with 14 stones, where I came every day and counted how many days of the retreat had passed.

Last day and small world

On the last day, everyone was in a happy mood. The end is near. The day before, we were asked to write one last question to Teacher, and only after breakfast on the last day I realized that we had signed our own verdict - Teacher answered questions for two hours and forty minutes. Finally, it was time to break the silence and take a collective photo of goodbye.

During lunch, I got into a conversation with a colleague from northern Switzerland, whom I respected for adhering to the rules. It turned out that in the 90s he was a student and consulted with his fellow countryman Max Schupbach, the founder, and my Psychology Teacher, who now lives in the United States and comes to Ukraine 3-4 times a year to conduct seminars. I'll be able to say hello to Max in Barcelona in October. I love this simultaneously tiny and huge world!

It was with great joy that I went home, to freedom, after 13.5 days of meditation, silence, a strict diet and getting up at 4 in the morning.

We are happy that everything is over. I am sitting in the front row, one person to the right of Teacher. Photo: Lily Fistanio.

Do you need Vipassana?

Do not hope that Vipassana or any other one-time practice will radically change your life. Personal development occurs mainly evolutionary, and not thanks to chiseled extra efforts. And our development does not stop. Only Buddha thought of the thoughts to the end and resolved all internal contradictions, thus achieving Enlightenment. Vipassana taught me a lot and helped me better understand myself, developed my patience and willpower. I became more aware of my desires and internal processes. And I am confident that the consequences will still unfold and manifest over time. I am very glad I went through this experience.

Should you go to Vipassana? Perhaps yes, if you are looking for answers, reflecting and reflecting on yourself, your path and the meaning of life, you like to think about your inner attitudes and beliefs. And also if you are ready to follow the strict rules 100% without cheating, and follow instructions that at first glance may not bode well. You definitely shouldn't participate if you think Vipassana is a trend and you can tell your friends how great you are.

If you have ever been to Vipassana, then it would be very interesting for me to hear about your impressions, how Vipassana influenced you, whether you have changed after the retreat, whether you are tempted to repeat the experience. Share in the comments plz.

• Brahmavihara Arama Temple - site, TripAdvisor, 4sq.
• Where and when you can go to Vipassana - Dhamma.org.
• Book of William Hart "The Art of Living" about Vipassana by the method of Goenka - Amazon. I highly recommend reading before the first Vipassana.

I went through Vipassana. 10 days course of meditation and silence. Passed to the end, entirely, from the evening of day zero to the morning of the eleventh day. Passed honestly, with all the meditations and rules. Itself, I confess, did not believe that I could, but passed :) Yes, and until the last moment I doubted whether to go for it or not.

What is Vipassana?

I already talked about what vipassana is on BaliBlogger, but I will tell you a little here, in case you are too lazy to follow the link. Well, if you know, then skip this part and read from the next heading. You can read more about vipassana on the Internet.

Vipassana is a ten-day silent meditation course. Moreover, in addition to silence, there are many other conditions in which vipassana is carried out: for ten days you refuse alcohol, smoking, meat and any products derived from animals (milk, eggs, etc.). Silence also does not boil down to one silence, you refuse any communication with anyone and any business not related to Vipassana itself. When they get to the meditation center, they take away your phone, computer, books, pens and notebooks and so on. During Vipassana, you cannot meditate, play sports, pray or do anything.

The meaning of such strict rules is simple: free your brain from unnecessary things, reset your mind and prevent you from being distracted by something else. Your task is to concentrate on meditation for 10 days.

Why is this meditation needed at all and what does Vipassana teach? Vipassana tries to show us that our whole life and how happy or unhappy we are in it has nothing to do with external circumstances, no matter how much we want to think so. In reality, however, we can do so (not something that would be easy, but quite achievable for ourselves) in order to feel an order of magnitude happier and more harmonious under the same external conditions. Our unhelpful attachments-hobbies-dependencies and the inability not to react to external circumstances prevent us from doing this. Here is Vipassana and teaches what and how to do with all this, and the method is meditation and a set of those strict rules.

The question that absolutely everyone asked me when I returned from the course of Vipassana was in two words “So how?”. But only vipassana is such a thing that you cannot describe the impression of it in two words and cannot be described in two abats. Therefore, for those who asked me about my vipassana, and for myself for the future, I decided to write in detail how everything happened with me.

Why is Vipassana needed?

The idea of \u200b\u200bvipassana intrigued me for a long time. And although I am not fond of yoga, meditation, spiritual practices, or anything of this kind in general, the thought of trying something new and so unusual did not let me go. And then it's one thing to try to force yourself to meditate for a few minutes a day, it's another thing to get to a place where you won't have options :)

But every time I did not understand how I could fall out of the air for two weeks and present them to such an incomprehensible experiment. Therefore, for several years that I was going, I never got to Vipassana. And so I made up my mind. I made an appointment in advance and bought tickets in advance, having thought of a couple of other plans for Vipassana, so that there would be no point in getting out.

Before taking Vipassana courses, I had a very vague understanding of what it was about and what its effect would be. Rather, there was some kind of communication, the impression that you are mentally ready to try such a difficult experiment on yourself and make something of your own from it. At this moment in my life, I was most interested in the following things on the path of self-development and self-knowledge, and I wanted to try to solve them with the help of vipassana:

- I wanted some kind of serious reboot of the brain, as it was seething with a large number of projects that I got involved in, new ideas that I feverishly thought about, but did not understand whether it was worth getting involved in them too, and from an endless number of thoughts about life and plans for the future. I wanted to reboot, look at all this with new eyes and understand what is important and what is not.

- I wanted to finally learn to “be in the moment” and live in the moment. Do not wander constantly with thoughts about how it will be in the future, how it will be better next time. Do not rub the past, returning to what did not work out, failed or happened. Learning not to do thirty different things at the same time, jumping constantly to thirty-one or thirty-three. Instead, enjoy one thing in one particular moment.

- I really wanted to learn how to control the vagus brain; stop thinking-thinking-thinking-worrying about all your affairs, constantly worrying about whether it really turned out well or not all the same not very well. I wanted to learn how to filter thoughts and be able to say to myself: enough, I've already thought about it enough, worried enough, that's enough, let's go further.

- Become even more disciplined in different areas: from work to personal projects, to do even more.

- And finally I wanted to get rid of the constant burst of emotions raging inside: to get upset when something went wrong; worry when something doesn't work out; rage when external circumstances seem to mock you; to react negatively even to small trifles, when “everything is piled up and boiled” and “why is this happening to me”. Stop wasting energy on worrying about what you still cannot change and what does not depend on you. Learn to filter, what to react to and how.

I was not sure if all these things were directly related to what Vipassana teaches, but the format of Vipassana itself - being alone with yourself, learning to relate to old things in a new way and look at some things from the outside - fit perfectly into my tasks.

And, of course, I wanted some unusual miracle, which was bound to happen after more than 100 hours spent in meditation!

What I knew about Vipassana

I formulated for myself why I am going there. I signed up and even bought tickets to Java, to Jakarta. I chose Vipassana on the island of Java, and not in Bali in order to a) be in the circle of strangers, and not a crowd of Russian acquaintances, as it would have happened in Bali b) Vipassana was in some new place for me, a trip where, would enhance the feeling of the unusualness of everything that happens.

I seemed to know a lot about Vipassana itself (from the Internet and from the stories of my acquaintances), but it seemed like nothing happened. But it is important that I knew the main thing: that it would not be easy, that many leave in the first days, that many of the moral or physical strength do not have enough to sit out all ten days of the course. I also had a rough idea of \u200b\u200bthe daily routine: with early waking up, endless meditations during the day and a meager meal schedule: tomorrow, lunch and afternoon tea without (!) Dinner. Plus, somewhere I heard the story of the founder of Vipassana, who abandoned business and all affairs, in order to carry the idea of \u200b\u200bVipassana to the masses, since at one time accidentally hitting Vipassana, he was imbued, recovered his sight, got rid of mental throwing and physical suffering. Detailed details about the meditation technique itself and about how everything goes, I specifically tried not to read or recognize.

By the way, how I'm going to meditate for so many hours, I tried not to think at all. After all, I have never meditated in my life. And even when I once wondered if I should start meditating and even Googled an example of a simple meditation for beginners, I could not complete it even the first time. For me, meditation is something so out of my mind, so unattractive, boring and tedious that I could not understand how people can do it at all? Sitting and doing nothing for a long time? How is this possible? And most importantly why? Boredom. Useless.

How did I decide on Vipassana? Sometimes it's helpful to try something new that seems impossible and unattainable to you. Not only for the sake of just testing yourself, but for the experience that you will gain by trying something new. And the main thing in this matter is simply to trust the process one hundred percent. For 10 days, do what you are asked to do and how you are taught, without trying to judge and dispute ahead of time, or do it your own way, but just try. And only after leaving after ten days give yourself the opportunity to evaluate the technique, apply it to yourself and decide whether it is suitable for life. It was with these thoughts that I flew a couple of weeks ago to Java.

All those days and weeks before Vipassana, from the moment when I sent the application to the very last moment when I crossed the threshold of the Dhamma center in Bogor, I was eaten from within by fears, doubts and various thoughts on the topic “well, how it will be”, “but I can whether I can withstand "," but is it really mine. " The skeptic inside me worked wonderfully well, and in the last days before leaving, I generally saw “signs” in everything that I did not need to go there.

Then even someone told me that it is better not to know so much, or rather, it is even better not to know anything at all about this Vipassana. By the way, I disagree with this. The fact that I knew the scale of serious moral tests awaited me, it was much easier for me to endure the difficult first days of Vipassana. It was due to the fact that I was waiting for real hellish tests with will and discipline, when every day someone left the course, I was sincerely perplexed, "Oh well, it's not difficult." Although later, after the course, many who reached the end said that the beginning was the most difficult, since no one was prepared for what exactly awaited.

Discoveries I Made Through Vipassana

The most frightening things in Vipassana were the following: one would have to be silent and it would be impossible to do one's own business; you will have to sit and meditate, and a lot. And it was these things that taught me a lot, so they were not in vain invented in the Vipassana course.

About the vow of silence and silence

According to the rules of vipassana, which must be strictly accepted by all course participants, Silence and Silence must be observed throughout the course. That is, you cannot talk with other course participants, and not only not talk, but also not communicate in any way (neither with signs or gestures), you cannot make noise and make loud sounds, etc.

10 days not to speak? Is it real at all? To pretend that there are no people around you and not even meet anyone's eyes?

Silence turned out to be the simplest of all Vipassana! I will say even more, I almost immediately realized that this is even better. Because there will be no chance to be distracted by conversations and emotions, discussing what is happening. I directly imagined how all our free time in between meditations we would complain to each other about how difficult it is or warm up our own doubts about “well, this is some kind of nonsense” and “I can't do this anymore”.

It was not at all difficult for me to remain silent, and when they were allowed to speak by the afternoon of the tenth day, I was even upset for a second. I liked being silent.

10 days of silence taught me that not all of what we want to say is worth speaking. Every time we open our mouths, even just to express an emotion - especially to express our dissatisfaction with something or complain about something - it would be better if we were silent. It would be better if we did not “infect” others with this negative emotion, it would be better if we simply resigned ourselves to not saying this, because then we would rather forget about it ourselves! Instead, we let off steam, negative steam is produced in response, we add something else to our initial emotion and off we go. Vipassana just teaches not to cultivate negative emotions further, and it turned out that with a vow of silence it was much easier to do this.

So the lesson is the first lesson of vipassana: filter the bazaar and this will make you feel better :)

About being alone with yourself and not being distracted by anything

For ten days, fall out of ordinary life, do not check mail, do not read anything, do not write, do not hang out on the Internet, and together with the previous paragraph about silence, do not communicate with anyone, which means spending ten days alone with yourself. With thoughts - good or bad, interesting or stupid, fruitful or empty. Not be able to be distracted by something. Not to have anything to do with yourself in between meditations.

This turned out to be the most difficult. I cannot write, which means I cannot write endless diaries of what is happening to me. Various brilliant ideas come to me, which I cannot write down, which means that I will forget later.

During vipassana, it seemed to me that I would go crazy from doing nothing or from the thought that she had a free minute, I could do so much now, if they gave me my computer back or at least a notebook with a pen. I hated taking too long breaks and there was nothing nicer than a gong telling me to go to lunch or the next meditation. Silence was easy, but doing nothing was terribly difficult. The brain was constantly vibrating from the search for something to take time.

And that is why I am infinitely grateful to this experience for the rare opportunity to be alone with my thoughts. For the opportunity to do a real reboot. Change your mind everything that you can change your mind. And change your mind a hundred times over. Learn to filter thoughts and channel them in a good direction. Free my brain from trash and get so much free time to review all my projects in detail and come up with an infinite number of ideas, such ideas that I could not come up with in the rush of things.

And the most important thing. Stay. Exhale. Take your time. Do everything calmly and thoroughly. Find time to make the bed or clean the room. Put things in order and in your head. Relax and reboot.

For one such experience alone, I would go through Vipassana again.

Meditation

I was afraid in advance of these endless meditations. Even before applying for a vipassana course, I looked at the daily routine during the course and endlessly asked myself, how do I plan from 0 hours and 0 minutes of meditation per day, will I get to 11 hours of meditation? How can I not go crazy to sit in one place and meditate? How can I handle all this?

And precisely because, on the one hand, I prepared in advance for the fact that it would be very difficult for me, and on the other hand, I went to Vipassana with full determination to reach the end, I went through it. And as it usually turned out, if you gather your will into a fist, then you will also find strength from somewhere.

Well, it should be noted that to save the suffering meditators there were all sorts of pillows, linings and sarongs that could be poked everywhere to make it more comfortable to sit. For very difficult cases, it was possible to take special backs or sit on chairs. During the first days of Vipassana, I silently smiled at how the people with each new session of meditation are overgrown with new pillows and ottomans. But, however, by the middle of Vipassana, it all came to some ridiculous proportions, people sat down on chairs, covered themselves with ten pillows, which I suddenly thought: if we go, then go to the end. And I removed all the pillows and pads, leaving the only rug that was given to us at the very beginning. In the end, this and that, it will still be uncomfortable, so why deceive yourself by making it easier for yourself?

The very experience of meditation taught me that if you want to train self-discipline and dedication, then this is an excellent simulator for developing these things - a simulator that is simple and accessible to everyone. We are all like spoiled children who are not able to follow simple orders, we live according to the principle “I want candy now, not after dinner”, “I want to go out now, and not when I do my homework”. We have forgotten any self-discipline so much that because of this there are no longer ways to achieve our own life goals (all this proverbial “from Monday I will start to get up early, which hangs for years, but never becomes a reality”).

And then one day they say to you: now we will try meditation during which you cannot move for an hour. I remember how my eyes widened. Hour? Do not move? Sitting with closed eyes and not changing positions? As if answering an unasked question, the teacher explained that if it is impossible not to move for the whole hour, then you need to set yourself the task of minimizing the number of movements. But I decided that I really wanted to try not to move for an hour. And I did it. It was worth incredible agony, but I succeeded.

In this way, in a completely unexpected way, meditation showed me that our inner possibilities are really unlimited. But often we do not even dare to try, but immediately doom ourselves to "I won't succeed", "where should I try, I have never meditated before."

Another wonderful effect of meditations is that for the first time in my life I was able to feel how this crazy stream of thoughts stops in my head, usually not stopping for a moment, and sometimes just tearing my brain apart. The feeling when for the first time I managed to sit for at least 10 minutes without thinking about anything, and finally giving my brain a rest is the most unforgettable sensation.

Don't move for an hour

About the fact that within the framework of vipassana there will be something when it will not be possible to move and move for an hour, I found out by chance and thank God did not fully understand what exactly awaits me, otherwise, perhaps, I would definitely not have gone to vipassana :)

And all the first days of Vipassana, I naively thought that such a difficult thing would obviously be somewhere closer to the end, when we notice it in the experience of meditation, and it will be such a final meditation. Therefore, as a good student, I decided to prepare “for the exam” and from the first hour of meditation set myself a plan: to endure and sit for at least five minutes without moving, when it started to work out, then at least ten and so on.

When, by the morning of the third day, through the work of incredible hellish efforts, I managed to sit without moving for ten to fifteen minutes (and once I even for 23 minutes), I decided that everything, now I will add 5 minutes every day, train to sit longer and longer and by the end of vipassana I will show the class.

But only on the evening of the third day we were informed that the hour of Those Most Meditations has come, when one cannot move for the whole hour. We were asked to choose a pose and freeze in it for an hour without moving our arms or legs. In case there is no strength to sit out for an hour, we were asked to do the minimum number of body movements.

I was taken by surprise and out of surprise for myself I freaked out and promised myself that come what may, but I will take and sit this hour without moving. The first 15 or even 20 minutes I served quite smartly, very proud of myself. And then the PAIN came in numb legs. Which intensified every minute so that at some point it seemed to me that all the blood would drain from them and they would begin to die off and most likely they would have to be amputated. I had to concentrate on breathing or something else, but my brain was buzzing and ringing with pain so that all thoughts flew out of it, and it was painful to think about breathing. All one could think about was how the pain in the legs and back shimmered in different colors. The pain in the legs was sometimes cold, stabbing, then some kind of warm and enveloping, then pulsating, then suddenly some of the category “painful, but not painful”, then again piercing penetrating into every cell of the brain. And then all the pain suddenly disappeared somewhere. Magic. At the fiftieth minute or something like that (much closer to the end), I suddenly didn't feel pain. From the realization that the brain is no longer boiling and buzzing, it became so good that I wanted to cry with happiness. (By the way, the fact that the pain has passed is not at all some kind of miracle that I want to tell you about, it all has a scientific basis for itself, similar things are very coolly written in the book "The Plasticity of the Brain")

That moment, by the way, was the saving moment of my whole vipassana. It was then that I decided that all subsequent meditations without movement (three pieces a day) I would strictly observe and, if possible, not move in other meditations too. So in just a few days I learned not to move in most meditations for at least 30-45 minutes.

Was it easy? Hell no! I was going crazy with discomfort and pain, but it was during Vipassana that I realized such a thing that pain is the result of brain activity. And she a) can leave after a while, if you do not dwell on her and just admit that she is, but do not stress and do not think about her b) she may not exist when the brain eventually realizes that the feeling of pain is on you no longer work.

On the fifth or whatever day, I removed all the pillows. I realized that when you sit for an hour, pillows do not help. It will still hurt, even with or without pillows. After a couple of days, in most cases it didn't hurt at all to sit for even an hour. Uncomfortable yes, but it turns out we can endure a lot more things than we think. There were more uncomfortable times, and there were times when it was easy for me to sit out for an hour.

Moreover, it turned out that if at this moment you are carried away by the meditation itself, you do not notice the time, you do not notice the discomfort. All this becomes painful only when you sit and dwell on the fact that “ahh I can't help but move, oh I'm uncomfortable” and so forth.

I understand that we are all different people and someone will say that it is more difficult for him to endure discomfort and pain, but this is where we are different in life. Someone stubbornly, in spite of everything, goes to their goal, and someone sits and complains about their life all their lives. Vipassana just says that miracles do not happen, if you want to grow and develop, you will have to seriously work on yourself, even through I don’t want to and through discomfort.

What was really difficult in Vipassana for me

During the first half of Vipassana, I was fascinated by everything. It was difficult, but interesting. It was curious and informative. It was believed that by the end of the 10th day some kind of epiphany or miracle would happen. Each new instruction that complicated the technique of meditation made me jump out of my pants for joy. Any difficulty - whether it was the need to sit for 60 minutes without moving or something else - made me happy. Challenge accepted - challenge accepted, let's go again!

As a child, I was terribly fond of kung fu movies. Remember how often there was such a plot, when the main character went in search of the Great Teacher, who, instead of teaching him martial arts, at first tormented him for a long time with various incomprehensible tests? So, I felt like such a kung fu student who was told to sit for an hour and he would endure anything, but he would sit, because he wants to become a great hero. I didn't understand why I needed to do certain things, but I decided to believe that in the end the truth will be revealed to me :)

But by the seventh day, the challenges were over. The practice of vipassana meditation was fully disclosed and unfortunately (in a good way :) everything worked out too quickly for me. I have learned to overcome pain. I have learned to overcome incoherence. I learned to do everything that the teacher said. I needed new challenges. And they were not.

Starting from the seventh day, it suddenly became difficult for me, and more difficult than at the beginning. I suddenly felt bored. I could endlessly sit in one position and do all this vipassana, but by this moment I got bored of doing the same meditation. I didn't understand why I should do it over and over again. More precisely, I understood, well, now I'm kind of hone my Vipassana skills, but what is it for?

In general, in the whole course of Vipassana, the ending was the most difficult for me. Everyone usually leaves at the beginning, and I really wanted to leave during the last days of Vipassana. But it's good that I didn't, because I can tell you for sure that I would not have written this article and most likely would have left with the thought that Vipassana was useless for me. But only after going through the whole thing, I understood what and why. And after a couple of weeks I really rethought the whole experience and I can say that I didn’t do it in vain, that I tried it.

Going through vipassana once is cool, but living vipassana? Mmm, I'm not sure!

On the one hand, Vipassana no doubt impressed me and certain moments had such a strong effect that the view on some things changed. It was an incredible, unusual, interesting, powerful and rewarding experience. I didn't regret for a second that I was imprisoned for 10 days in a meditation center in Java. And if now it was necessary to rewind the time and again decide whether to go through Vipassana, I would definitely go through it. Without the slightest doubt.

On the other hand, I used to perceive Vipassana as a kind of brain detox or mind operation that you do once and get a brain reboot. And then he is free. But vipassana turned out to be a global thing that must be followed constantly, all your life, otherwise there will be no long-term effect. But did vipassana impressed me enough to follow it for the rest of my life? Not. Do I want to go to Vipassana again? For ten days definitely not in the near future :)

And for all the incredible interestingness of the experience that I had to go through, I cannot say, as many people have said, that it was some kind of life-changing experience. I didn’t see. I kept expecting some incredible “Wow!” From Vipassana, waiting for me to come home after Vipassana and want to change my life 360 \u200b\u200bdegrees. But I did not learn anything global new, which I did not know before and what I did not strive for in terms of personal self-development. And Vipassana is not the first experience in this regard, and certainly not the most powerful experience that I have ever experienced in my life.

(For example, there is a cool book, far from "spiritual practices, third eyes, veganism, Vedas and other similar things," called The Happiness Project. A simple book written by almost a housewife (though with the education and experience of a lawyer and writer), the book is full specific instructions about everything that Vipassana seeks to lead us to, but these instructions train all the same things in human ways, without any meditation and immersion in the other world. I lived on this book for a whole year, but Vipassana impressed me much less.)

This is the irony of fate. I managed to discipline myself so that I almost became an ideal student of the Vipassana course, but at the end of the course I realized that I saw no reason for myself to continue practicing Vipassana. And although the ideas that Gohenka spoke about I strongly share (no cravings & no aversions), I want to these ideas in other ways.

Vipassana as a concept of life doesn't work for me that's why. Vipassana is based on the fact that only by observing one hundred percent of this whole system, including adherence to such rules as being a vegan, not drinking alcohol, well, smoking (even a hookah, etc.), not even killing insects (even cockroaches!) And practicing vipassana meditation for an hour every morning and every evening, only after that will you achieve enlightenment. And it doesn't work for me, I don't see how eating fish or meat or dairy products, or drinking a glass of wine at dinner, will not allow you to achieve the same spiritual goals as vipassana.

But probably my problem is that vipassana is about enlightenment. I don't need enlightenment on this scale. :)

With all this, I repeat, Vipassana itself, especially as a one-time experiment, is a colossal experience. After Vipassana, I had an incredible surge of energy and joy and happiness. And now, as time passed, I understand more and more what else Vipassana gave me, which I could not immediately understand. Therefore, I would recommend that others go through Vipassana at least once.

PS. And once again about meditation.

On the one hand, meditation is still not mine. On the other hand, I was surprised by the power of the effect of these meditations. I will definitely not do vipassana meditation - for the above reasons, I definitely will not set the unrealizable goals of meditating every day for an hour, or even more so for two. But maybe I'll still consider one-time meditations as a way to solve specific problems.

For example, on one of the last days of Vipassana, during an individual meditation, I could no longer do the Vipassana technique itself, and for the first time I decided to free it. But she only half decided to free it and arranged for herself a “creative meditation”. I sat down in a meditation pose, calmed my brain, tried not to move and meditated for an hour and thought about one creative idea that was born in my head on one of the days of vipassana. At some point, the stream of new thoughts for this idea dried up, but I still continued to sit, meditate and “give birth” ideas - even the most strange and ridiculous ones. The result is a very powerful tool for creativity. For an hour, you sit, not distracted by other things, write down nothing - so as not to be distracted again - and give out a maximum of ideas on one specific topic. By the end of the meditation, you have such a clear picture that go and do it :)

Another reason to try to introduce meditation into your life is to calm your brain and mind. There are times in life when everything seems to be going downhill, and you can't pull yourself together, because every new thing knocks you out of a rut, and then some radical measures are needed. Meditation that will calm the brain, cleanse it for a while from all thoughts in general, reset it would be very useful.

At such moments it would be cool to go to something like Vipassana, but not for ten days, but let's say for three days. And on the one hand, Vipassana for those who repeat it has three-day courses, on the other hand, I don't understand why go to Vipassana if you don't plan to practice it in the future.

How to go to Vipassana in Indonesia - in Bali or Java, read on BaliBlogger.ru

UPD. A video blog that I recorded for my yotube channel about my experience of vipassana - yotube.com/stellava