When it's hard to make a decision. How to make the right decision when in doubt

I always do what others want me to do. What I want doesn’t matter to anyone. I’m 18, people close to me don’t take my decisions seriously, they say that I’m still young and “stupid.” I don’t have a loved one, and never did. Parents say it’s too early to think about it. And I'm already used to loneliness. I started to be afraid of people. I can’t make decisions on my own, I do what they tell me. Like a puppet doll. I am very afraid of disapproval from others. It’s so hard for me........I cry all the time, I take everything to heart. I know it’s my own fault, but what should I do? I’m only 18, but it seems like nothing will change. I have lost faith in myself, I ask God for help. I really want to live, but it’s so hard for me. And I think about death more and more often. Everyone around says you are still young, but what problems can you have? And I’m screaming from pain in my soul, there are a lot of people around, but I’m so lonely. Why dont know. My soul hurts so much, I have no strength, no hope. Help............
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Sofia, age: 18/21/12/2010

Responses:

I understand your problem. The same thing is happening in my life. But I believe everything will be fine, believe me. And I’ll tell you, there are young people who appreciate people like you and love them madly. For example, people like me, but I’m also alone. I hope you feel better. I hope you see in this message an offer not only of help in words. I hope we will continue communication. Everything will be fine!

Victor, age: 20 / 21.12.2010

Hello Sofia :)
I want to tell you that your close people are right - you are actually young. And it’s good that you are aware of the lack of respect that people around you show you. This is an obvious sign of a person’s self-respect and pride. Your youth is an excellent opportunity to work on your character, i.e. morally gathering the strength to say that although you are young, but by character you are already an adult, you are already 18 years old, you deserve respect like all people, you are competent to make decisions for yourself independently, which means you have the right to express your point of view if you consider it necessary. Sofia, think and talk and talk about it again, in case they belittle your thought or there is someone who wants to order you around. It will not be easy to stand up for yourself, even physically: your heart rate will increase along with your blood pressure, you will shake, it will be difficult to maintain stable breathing - I have experienced this myself. Take these circumstances as a good opportunity to work on your character, learn about its pros and cons, and how to overcome your fears of something or someone. Do introspection as often as possible - it will only make you stronger. I take this personally as a kind of homework from the “School of Life” in which I must be a striker and/or an excellent student. I wish the same for you. Sofia, I don’t encourage you to swim against the tide; responding to the requests of other people is of course a good thing, but please do not dance to someone else’s tune and do not lose your curiosity. As one wise man said: “What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.” Be a strong and cheerful person.
Regards, Alexey

just Lesha, age: 18/21/12/2010

Hello, Sofia!
You don't have to do what other people want you to do all the time. You don’t owe anyone anything, and if you do something, do it because you want to please someone, and not because you were forced to. Find the strength to resist manipulation and pressure from others. After all, other people should respect you as a person, and not use you the way they want.
Go to church, pray to the Lord, read the Bible, communicate with Christians and your life will definitely change. Our environment makes us, and if you can, then change your environment, communicate with people who will increase your self-esteem, and will not trample you into the dirt. Your life is only in your hands. Go to the Lord and He will help you.
May God bless you!

Aleana, age: 40 / 12/21/2010

Yes, I understand that this is difficult for you.
To begin with: there is no need to blame yourself for anything. Why do you write that you are to blame for something?
It's not your fault. You are 18, not 98, and this is not your fault either.
However, here, as elsewhere, there are two views on the problem.
a) you are ignored by your loved ones because your decisions seem immature, because they care about you and want to impose their stereotype of happiness
b) YOU FEEL like they are ignoring you and laughing at you. This is very important for sensitive people. And it seems that the situation is really leaning towards the second part.
Making decisions will not leave you anywhere. Because after 18 you will be 19, then 20, then 30.... you will not be able to grow back. And you will grow up. But this also needs to be learned. Is it true.
Now your most important decision is choice future profession. A lot depends on this. Think about it. It is important to listen to the advice of loved ones, but you also need to listen to yourself. Otherwise, dissatisfaction, anxiety and disappointment from life will accumulate in you.
Being creative helps a lot. I think this would be useful for you...
As for love, there is no need to wait for it, there is no need to be afraid of it. Everything comes in due time for those who know how to wait.

Dusya, age: 29/12/23/2010

Thanks to everyone who wrote their responses.
But it’s so hard for me, today is December 31st, New Year’s Eve... and I’m alone in an empty apartment. I wrote that people close to me do not accept my decisions, so I moved to another city. My parents insisted, I needed a job, there was none in my hometown. My sister and I lived on rented apartment, I have found a job. Everything was fine until again someone decided everything for me.
My sister owed a large sum of money for the apartment and we had to move out. I didn’t know about this debt; I gave the money to her.
We found another place to live, but I feel empty. These endless apartments, I know I have to be patient, but I can’t do this anymore. In the new place everything is foreign, the owner of this apartment lives with us, and I am terribly afraid of doing something wrong.
There is no possibility to rent housing separately. My parents say come home, we’ll figure something out.
But I can’t move anymore, I’m tired, I can’t move from place to place. Right now I’m watching the hands strike twelve and I’m crying. I didn’t go home for the holiday, they didn’t let me leave work.
I do not know what to do. I feel so lonely here
and in your hometown it is impossible to get a normal job.
Lord, why is everything like this.....I'm confused. I’m used to having someone tell me what to do. I can’t decide on anything myself. I don’t want to live at all, all this is killing me. My soul is so empty.
But why did I grow up so helpless.....I don’t know how I will live further.

Sofia, age: 18 / 01/01/2011

Hello, Sofia! Happy New Year! Happiness, health, love, success in everything! May this year bring more smiles, joy and laughter! =) I would like to wish you to become more confident in yourself and learn to make decisions on your own. Personally, I believe that it is never too late to learn. The main thing is to understand that there is nothing scary in studying. And don't be afraid to take responsibility for your decisions. After all, even if someone else made decisions, we are still the only ones responsible for our actions. Yes, we all make mistakes sometimes, but there’s nothing wrong with that. We just need to understand what we did wrong and take it into account for the future. Don’t blame yourself and take away your chance. After all, we all have the right to learn. Try to take into account the opinions of others, but believe in yourself. The choice should be yours. Don’t be afraid of responsibility, don’t think that someone knows better than you what to do. Trust yourself. And remember, the Lord always helps us! When it’s difficult to make a choice, try turning to God for help. He will help. But this is mainly necessary for concentration and the ability to make a choice YOURSELF. Wherever you are, He is always with you. And when needed it will help. Believe me, you can handle anything! Believe in your strength! Whatever decision you make, it will be the right one, because in fact only you know what to do. And don't regret anything in the past. Just analyze your past, think about what kind of future you would like to have and strive for it. Take into account the opinions of others, but keep in mind that everything that others say or write to you is only their opinion and is not the absolute truth. Therefore, don’t even take what I wrote to you too seriously. =) Read, think about what you agree with and what you don’t. If you want, you can write here, I will be happy to talk with you. =) We can discuss together the issues that concern you. And try right now to make your own decision about what actions to take next. Try, think about what to do next with an apartment, work, study, think about whether you need a young man now, are you ready to start a family or maybe you should wait? Are you studing anywhere? Maybe there is an opportunity to go at least part-time? If you know that you have to be patient, then gather your strength, calm down, believe in your strength and I am sure that you will cope with everything. =) I can’t make a decision for you, but I try to help you as much as I can. =) And believe me, you are a very strong person, you just don’t trust yourself yet. Hugs. =) Katya.

Katya, age: 18 / 01/03/2011

Thank you Katyusha! Yes, I am studying law by correspondence.
I try to make decisions on my own, but so far nothing has worked out. I'm asking for advice, but as they say, there are so many people, so many opinions. It's a mess. I want everything to get better. In life, after all, not everything happens the way we want. Difficulties “strengthen” character. But for me everything is different. I want to change my job, I’m so tired of this. There is no strength, either moral or physical.

Sofia, age: 18 / 01/03/2011

Hello, Sofia! The fact that you are studying law is very good. =) As for the fact that you can’t make decisions on your own yet, that’s okay. It shouldn't work right away. Gradually. The main thing is desire and movement. =) The life experiences of others are worth taking into account, so taking into account the advice of others is very useful. But only you must make a decision, taking into account the opinions of others and their experience, as well as your desires, your life experience, taking into account your strengths and capabilities. As far as I understand, a person constantly collects information from the outside and analyzes it. As a result of reasoning and analysis of one’s experience, the experience of other people, simply observing certain phenomena, a person can even only on a subconscious level, i.e. does not necessarily understand the entire process that is taking place, accumulates very useful information and life experience, which in the future can help him decide which of all the options is the most optimal. The point is also that only the person himself can correctly assess not only external conditions, but also internal desires and strengths. Those. in fact, the subconscious can do a pretty good job of making decisions on its own. But you need to activate it and force it to work and make decisions, and not just store information “in reserve.” Therefore, reasoning is necessary at a conscious level. At the same time, you should not immediately make a choice purely from conscious reasoning. It is worth allowing time to pass so that the subconscious with all its rich “experience” can also take part in solving problems. And then it’s time to consciously think through everything again and finally make a decision. Over time, less and less time will need to be spent on all processes. This is approximately the decision-making scheme in my opinion. I’ll try to give an example of a scheme by which you can learn to make decisions. But keep in mind that this is only a diagram and can be adjusted. It is not at all necessary to strictly adhere to it. 1. Try to clearly define what you need, taking into account your capabilities, desires, and situation at the moment. Those. The main thing is to clearly define and set a goal. 2. Analyze possible actions and decision options. Give your subconscious time to think, then think some more, and settle on a specific decision. 3. Next, act. Do as you decided, trust yourself, believe in your strength. But at the same time, observe and analyze what changes are happening, how close you are moving to the goal. If something doesn’t suit you, then stop and go back to point 1. Think carefully and act again. And so on little by little until you reach your goal. And in the process, you will learn to make decisions, achieve your goals and analyze the situation. In addition, self-confidence will appear. =)
I agree, unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, not everything in life happens the way we want, so we must learn to realistically assess our strengths and capabilities, as well as the conditions in which we find ourselves. And set goals accordingly. Well, this comes with practice. =)
You're probably already tired of reading, so I'll wrap it up. About work. Try to think and make a decision. Just don't be afraid, be brave. =) Think about whether it is possible to change it and whether it is worth it. Maybe you can find it in your hometown? Perhaps something has changed? Closer to parents? Or maybe this city has something that suits you. Think about it. =) Or maybe everything is not so bad, you just need to rest, gather your strength and move on. This also happens. Take your time, think and make a decision. I also ask you to keep in mind that everything I wrote is just my opinion. It is not true at all. Only your decision can be truly correct! Hugs, Katya =)

Katya, age: 18 / 01/04/2011

I thought for a very long time about work, and decided to stay at my old one for now. I felt a little better because I made this decision myself, after analyzing everything that was happening. I really want to learn not to droop when there are some serious problems, and solve them.
The main thing is to learn to rely on yourself first of all, and not wait for help. What if it doesn’t exist at all, I hope my reasoning is correct.

Sofia, age: 18 / 01/04/2011

Hello, Sofia! I'm very happy! =) It’s good that you are slowly making decisions. =) To be honest, I fully support you. But I wouldn’t want you to attach too much importance to outside assessments or the opinions of others. However, there is clearly progress. =)
Now about not panicking, but solving problems. Awareness is the first step to overcoming an obstacle. To further combat panic, you should learn to control yourself in any situation and be able to relieve yourself of stress in a timely manner. You should realize that there is a way out of any situation. Moreover, it is a way out, not an escape from the problem. It can be useful to play out scenarios in our heads in which we do not feel confident and still find a way to solve problems in the current situation. Firstly, there will be training in making a decision, even if it is not a real problem. And secondly, when the brain plays out unpleasant situations, it calms down, realizing that there is a way out, but still strives to do everything to avoid getting into an unfavorable situation. So the fear disappears, but the desire to actually get into an uncomfortable and unpleasant situation does not arise.
By the way, if you want, you can register on the forum and chat there. You can even ask a psychologist questions. Or just walk around the site or forum (you don’t even have to register). There are many interesting articles here. =) I hope they will be useful. =) For example, here is a link to materials for practical help.

If you have the desire and time, you can watch it. =)
I completely agree with your reasoning. But, have more confidence! =) And still remember, if you need help, you can always ask for it! We will all be happy to help you! =) Hugs, Katya. =)

Katya, age: 18 / 01/05/2011

Sofia, age: 18 / 01/05/2011

Hello, Sofia! I registered on the forum under the nickname Kitty. So if you have the opportunity and desire, you can chat there. =) But here it turns out very slowly, but there it’s just more suitable conditions. So, if you decide to register, then just write your story there, and then we will continue to communicate there. If you feel more comfortable here, then we will continue here. In general, as you wish. I give you the choice. I'm waiting for your decision. =)
Hugs, Katya. =)

Katya, age: 18 / 01/06/2011

Hello, Sofia! Forgive me, please, I thought I sent a message, but either I sent it wrong or it didn’t get through. In general, I’m writing again. As for the reasons, I found an interesting article, when you have time, read it. I hope it helps you figure it out. =)
Here is the link.

Hugs, Katya. =)

Katya, age: 18 / 01/07/2011

I registered on the Sonya1 forum, in the “I don’t want to live” section. My story is called. "Emptiness"

Sofia, age: 18 / 01/10/2011

Hello, Sofia!
I found an article that I think is interesting for you. When you have time, please read it. Here is the link:

I hope it will help you become more confident and boldly make decisions on your own. =)

Katya, age: 18 / 01/31/2011

All actions are divided into those whose results can be predicted, and those whose consequences can only be assumed. The most difficult choice is one in which there is no way to know whether the outcome will be successful. There are situations in which you need to make a decision in a short time. It is at such moments that a person places his hopes on intuition and his mind, which form the necessary balance for the right choice.

Important! Today, taking care of yourself and having an attractive appearance at any age is very simple. How? Read the story carefully Marina Kozlova Read →

What does decision-making depend on in difficult situations?

Correct decisions in various situations lead to necessary purpose. But personality is constantly evolving. When solving important problems and in difficult circumstances she is undergoing transformation. This means that priorities, goals and the person himself change. Therefore, when making an important decision, you should follow the principle of “here and now”, and not look into the future. There are several methods that will help you learn to make the right choices in career and life matters:

1. 1. Getting rid of the “narrow frames”. A common phenomenon when choosing one solution or another. It lies in the fact that the subconscious reduces the multiple variations of possible outcomes to a significant minority. When deciding whether to buy a car, a person sees only two options: “yes” or “no.” However, alternative steps are not considered. For example, you should buy a cheap car or postpone the purchase altogether and leave the money for more necessary things. There is a trade-off between the two solutions that can only be found through proper prioritization.
2. 2. Expansion of choice. A person becomes too attached to the goal to which he initially set his thinking, that is, he sees only one solution that is related to this goal, and ignores others. An example is the adoption of purchasing an apartment. If she initially made a good impression, and the realtor suggested profitable terms, then the question arises as to whether it is worth buying this particular property. But the fact is that this is the first apartment that was viewed. Also, when moving to another city, you should not limit your choice to one locality. You need to visit several places first, and then choose the most suitable one. Therefore, there is no need to make hasty decisions; it is worth thoroughly studying the real estate market in order to best offers choose the most suitable one. It is always necessary to look for an alternative, to consider possible scenarios that could happen if a completely different decision is made.
3. 3. Information. When choosing, it is worth fully studying the available data. When applying for a job, a person can ask his boss questions in order to understand what position he is applying for, or about the dismissal of a previous employee. You should not limit yourself to one source of information. During an interview, it is permissible to use leading questions. With their help, a certain scheme of actions is built that will have a positive impact on decision.
4. 4. Create space for simple solutions. Expanding your choice isn't always helpful. Sometimes, due to the large number of options, a person gets lost and finds it difficult to make a final choice. Therefore, the method of basic priorities is applicable here. Combined with the expansion of options, it can simplify the decision-making task. If, when changing jobs, many interviews were completed and a response was received a large number of employers, then you need to compare your priorities with the conditions they offer. If there is a match, this will greatly simplify the choice.
5. 5. Test in practice. Any correct solution supported by experience. If you have a choice between two cars, a test drive will come to the rescue. Experience is the basis that is important when resolving controversial issues.
6. 6. Accepting criticism. The latter helps when correct and useful conclusions are drawn from it. A look from the outside helps to complement your own picture of reality, to balance arrogance with someone else’s uncertainty.

There are times when the listed methods should not be used. An alternative is determined by the number of advantages and disadvantages, but sometimes the latter are not present. If there are no consequences from the decision made negative consequences, then you should act immediately. For example, when meeting a girl, a guy will begin to weigh the pros and cons, forgetting that he is lonely and free and wants love.

How to stop thinking bad thoughts about yourself

The right choice in your personal life

In personal life, an excessive desire to have information can lead to quarrels and misunderstandings. The partner will see this as a test or threat to the relationship. But if mutual understanding reigns in the union, then the chosen one will tell everything necessary.

Getting rid of fleeting emotions will help you not regret your choice. Many wrong decisions are made under the influence of momentary feelings. Therefore, in difficult situations, it is worth thinking about how you can approach this issue in 10 minutes or years.

Any choice requires time during which a person thinks about everything and gets rid of the influence of emotions. For example, a wife decided to divorce her husband and go to her lover after he gave her an expensive gift and organized a wonderful evening. But the wife does this under the influence of emotions that remain after the meeting. Therefore, it is worth thinking about what will happen if the husband stays with the child, how this will affect him and whether the lover will always be so romantic. To organize your thoughts and completely calm down, use the following methods:

1. 1. Calm breathing. It is necessary to take 10 measured exhalations and inhalations. This will concentrate attention and cool emotions.
2. 2. "Ideal self." A person imagines the ideal course of events after making a decision. However, maintaining concentration, helping a friend and learning to wait are also necessary.

Knowing your basic priorities can help you always stick to your main goals and objectives. Sometimes, when making a choice, a person forgets about the initial values ​​and is distracted by other options. This often happens in personal relationships. Sometimes it is difficult for a woman to make a choice between two men, although subconsciously she has made it long ago. But thinking about another guy, his qualities and merits, obscures the image of the already chosen man and pushes him away from the initial choice.

To be or not to be - that is the question! Perhaps Hamlet's words best describe a man who is so insecure. “He knows that he must kill his stepfather, and he hesitates only because the goal he is pursuing unconsciously frightens him,” explains Gestalt therapist Nifont Dolgopolov. - He strives for the ideal and is tormented by his own imperfections. And therefore cannot be completely satisfied with any of the decisions.”

At that moment when a person must give a definite answer and is unable to do so, he may be seized by real panic. “He feels awkward, annoyed, embarrassed, and feels guilty for stalling for time,” says Nifont Dolgopolov. “These feelings are aggravated and can develop into irritation and even anger if his partner pushes him or criticizes him.”

Paradoxically, the more he hesitates, the more confident he actually is about what to do. But he still waits for someone to make a decision for him. Such an unconscious strategy allows a person not to take responsibility for the consequences and for the choices made by others.

“I am learning to listen to my desires”

Ekaterina, 36 years old, doctor

“When I need to choose black trousers or a red dress in a store, I buy both. For several years now I have been unable to decide to leave the hospital to go into private practice. I can’t connect my life with the man I love because I can’t answer simple questions: should we live together or not? Should I have children or wait? As soon as I have to make a choice, I involuntarily begin to hesitate, stall for time, as if I’m waiting for someone to decide for me...

The situation became so unbearable that I decided to take a transactional analysis course. I am working with my therapist to learn to listen to my desires, trying not to be guided by the opinions and tastes of my authoritarian mother. My journey of healing is to finally give free rein to my inner child, who still lives in me, who has been deprived of the right to speak since childhood.”

Fear of error

Those who find it difficult to make decisions for themselves suffer from self-doubt. They are afraid of making a mistake, because having made a choice in favor of, say, one dish in a restaurant, they have to refuse others that are presented on the menu.

“Lack of self-confidence becomes the main characteristic of a person if, from early childhood, when making decisions, he is accustomed to relying on the opinions of others - parents, friends or people authoritative for him,” explains Nifont Dolgopolov. - This behavior tactic develops in a child if his parents are authoritarian and adhere to a strict parenting style. They constantly evaluate the child, criticize his behavior, his preferences, make decisions for him... And he gradually stops relying on himself.”

It is pointless to give advice to an indecisive person, but it is also dangerous to make decisions for him, because then he will place all the responsibility on you. Another mistake is to reproach him for inaction: this will strengthen his negative attitude towards himself.

Help him figure out what is stopping him from being more decisive. Make it clear that he is clinging to self-doubt only because he is focusing on hypothetical losses rather than potential gains. Those who doubt themselves find it difficult to acknowledge the consequences of their indecisiveness. Draw his attention to what can happen if he never learns to make decisions on his own.

What to do?

Don't be afraid to take risks

Challenge yourself, others and win - learn to enjoy it. Every decision made, like every victory over ourselves, strengthens our self-confidence. Use the technique of model behavior: choose a brave, decisive person who, in your opinion, can serve as an example of success and willpower. And every time you make a decision, ask yourself: what would he do in my place?

Change position

You are wrong to confidently say about yourself: “I am not able to make this decision.” In fact, you are like Molière's Mr. Jourdain, who had no idea that he had been speaking in prose all his life until he was told about it. After all, from morning to evening you make many decisions every day! So change your perspective: be more attentive to the decisions you made on your own today.

There comes a time in every person's life when they need to make a difficult decision. How to make the right decision when in doubt? Which direction of study should I choose? The partner I am with now will not disappoint me in the future, am I in love with him for life? Should I accept the offer or can I find more interesting job? These are just some of the dilemmas that most of us face.

The choice of whether to buy apples or pears seems insignificant compared to decisions whose consequences can affect a lifetime. How can you be sure that you are making the right decisions? How to avoid internal dissonance, the impression that the option you refused could be better than the one you chose? How to make difficult decisions?

Decision making methods

There are mainly two decision-making strategies used - heuristics and algorithms. Thinking algorithmically, a person carefully studies and analyzes, comparing the pros and cons of a particular option. Heuristics save us time because they appeal to emotions, intuition, preferences, and internal beliefs, without “calculation.”

It seems that when faced with a difficult choice, it is wiser to think through everything carefully several times before making a final decision. Meanwhile, people are very often guided by their hearts rather than their minds - even when making decisions that have an impact on their entire lives (for example, when choosing a life partner). How to understand what is best for us in a given situation?

Depending on the rank of the problem, a person usually uses from 1 to 3 decision-making strategies. What methods are used when making life choices?

1. Getting information from others

When you don’t know what to decide, you often use the support of loved ones, friends, and family. You are consulting, searching Additional information. If you need to make a difficult decision, you should consult with others, ask what you would do in similar situation They. Brainstorming and exchanging opinions with others helps you look at a problem from a new perspective.

2. Postponing the decision over time

If no one and nothing helps, do not rush into making a choice, give yourself time. You may temporarily not feel strong enough to make decisions that could affect your entire life. Postponing a decision until later may be a good idea, since during this time new facts may be discovered that will help you make a choice. But it is important not to put it off indefinitely; in the end, you need to make a decision.

3. Eliminating the worst options

When you have several different options and you don’t know which one to give preference to, make a choice, excluding what seems the worst and least interesting. At the end of such elimination, a better alternative will remain.

4. Choosing the least evil

The choice is not always between good-better or good-worse: you have to choose between two not the most attractive options. How do you choose between two equally unpleasant alternatives?

You need to choose what has fewer potentially negative consequences and come to terms with the decision. There are things we simply cannot influence. Therefore, sometimes it is easier to accept the need to make a decision with bad consequences than to accept such a choice.

5. Analyze before you choose

This is a strategy related to algorithmic thinking. Consider the pros and cons of each alternative and choose the one that has more positive consequences. In other words, a balance is drawn up of the profits and losses associated with choosing one option and rejecting another. However, such a cold calculation is not always possible, because sometimes emotions take precedence over reason.

6. Act on the spur of the moment.

Sometimes there is neither the time nor the opportunity to consider the proposals received for a long time. Then you need to make a decision spontaneously, right away, in the heat of the moment. In this case, it is better to trust your instinct, your inner voice. Not always, guided by emotions, we act rashly. In hindsight, it turns out to be the right decision, so trust yourself and your intuition.

7. Descartes square

One of the most effective and simple ways make a difficult decision. You are encouraged to analyze any situation or problem from different perspectives. To make the right decision, answer four questions by looking at the picture below.

Be careful when answering the fourth question because your brain will try to ignore the double negative and try to answer like the first question. Don't let this happen!

Why is this method so effective? When you are in a situation that requires you to make a difficult decision, you often get stuck at the first point - what will happen if this happens? However, Descartes' square allows us to look at the problem from a multifaceted perspective and make a carefully thought-out and informed choice.

8. PMI method

How to effectively make difficult decisions? You can use Edward de Bono's method - the PMI method. This abbreviation is a derivative English words(plus, minus, interesting). The method is very simple. It is based on the fact that before making a decision, it is comprehensively assessed. A table is drawn on a piece of paper with three columns (pros, cons, interesting), and in each column the arguments for and against are indicated. The “interesting” column records everything that is neither good nor bad, but is still related to decision making.

Below is an example. Decision: should I rent an apartment on the outskirts with a friend?

When this table is drawn up, each argument is scored in accordance with the direction (arguments for are indicated by a plus, against - by a minus). For example, for some, more space is more important than pleasant company. At the end, the value of all arguments is summed up and it is determined whether the balance will be positive or negative.

The PMI method cannot be called innovative; it is not fundamentally different from how we make decisions in Everyday life. It seems that he evaluates the strong and weak sides given choice. Nothing could be further from the truth. Most of us, when making a decision, actually make it for ourselves from the very beginning and then select arguments that would justify our choice. Even if it turns out that the decision we made has 3 more minuses, we will still choose it. People are actually not very rational, they are guided more by personal preferences, taste, etc. The pros and cons on a piece of paper will allow for an accurate analysis, at least with a partial shutdown of emotions.

People are very often afraid of the consequences of their choices and do not like to make decisions. They would willingly shift responsibility for their lives to other people. Unfortunately, if we want to be happy, we must learn to solve our own issues and bear the burden of life's choices. There is no guarantee that others would have done it better for us. We'll never know whether the options we ignore are better than the ones we chose, so don't cry over spilled milk and constantly lament the merits of rejected alternatives. Constantly ongoing dissonance kills us morally.

Every day we have to make dozens of decisions - to do this or that, agree or refuse.

And almost every time this is accompanied by doubts, worries and delay in making a decision.

So how? make the right decision and learn to make the right choice?

Here are 10 ways.

1 - Just make the decision that you like.

According to statistics, 7 decisions out of 10 managers of large companies turn out to be wrong. 40% of companies that were on the Fortune 500 list 20 years ago the best companies the world no longer exists.

Even the most successful and experienced people make mistakes very often.

So relax, make a decision and start taking action.

You need to understand that while you are thinking, you are standing still and wasting time.

You are not a sapper for whom any mistake is fatal.

Even if you make a mistake, you have a second, third, or as many attempts as you like. Plus, every time you do something, you gain knowledge, experience and better begin to understand how to make the right choice.

2 - Determine the price of your solution.

What happens if you do this or that and the choice turns out to be wrong? Write down the possible consequences and make a decision based on this. But you should know that a decision with minimal consequences often produces weak results.

For strategic tasks, it is a good idea to write down the possible consequences of your decision. With Canva, you can create an online decision tree that will help you visualize possible alternatives and make it easier to make the right decision. - https://www.canva.com/ru_ru/grafik/derevo-resheniy/

3 - Define best result - What decision will move you the most forward? Those who strive for more win in life. And those who are afraid to take risks are content with ordinary life. Think, maybe sometimes it's worth taking a risk. Yes, you can lose more. But you can get more. And even if you fail, you can always return to another decision. So go for it. Success loves the brave.

4 - Ask your subconscious - most people try to make a decision based on logic. But its capabilities are limited by the amount of information that is in the mind.

Use your subconscious. In the evening, think about your problem and possible solutions. And before going to bed, ask yourself - Which solution should you choose?

And in the morning you will wake up with a clear understanding of what is worth doing.

All our experiences are stored in our subconscious. And we only get access to it in our dreams. Plus, the subconscious can connect to the unified information field of the universe. Remember, Mendeleev discovered his table in a dream.

So ask your subconscious a question and go to bed. You will learn more about this technique in this video.

5 - Do something- To make the right decision you need to have certain information. But where can I get it? Books, videos, articles are just theories. The information you need will only be given by practical experience, which can only be obtained by doing something.

If you are in doubt or choosing from several options, just do something in the direction of each option. And you will immediately understand which solution is best for you.

6 - Ask a more successful person - Such a person can help you in literally 5 minutes. He knows and can do more than you. Look for successful people around you. Sign up for training. Ask your question on a thematic forum or group. The only thing is that you don’t need to ask everyone. Listen only to those who have actually solved problems similar to yours and have real life experience in overcoming them. But if there is no such person, then

7 - Introduce yourself super hero - Put yourself in the shoes of a person who is a symbol of confidence and success for you. And think about what solution he would choose.

Often, internal fears and doubts prevent you from making a decision. When you imagine yourself as a super hero, all this disappears and making a decision becomes much easier.

8 - Expand the number of options - Often people choose from 2-3 options. But there are many more possible solutions. Gather information, ask friends, think about other solutions. Such work will allow you to better understand the situation, expand your consciousness and allow you to choose the most informed decision.

9 - Let your brain sort everything out - Modern man decides a lot on the run, on emotions, in a time-poor mode.

But if you take a day of rest, calm down, stop thinking too much, then a lot becomes clearer and a decision is chosen by itself.

There is a good expression: morning is wiser than evening. So just disconnect from the problem, do something pleasant and make a decision with a fresh mind.

10 - Write down all the pros and cons and compare

Choose 2-3 options and write each on a separate sheet. And make a list of pros and cons. This clarifies a lot and it immediately becomes clear to you which solution is more beneficial for you.

That's all.

But remember, a decision is not a decision until you act on it.

To make it easier for you, here are 50 step-by-step instructions